He's Everything You Want in a Girl
by videogameandanime-empress
Summary: What happens when Winry dresses Edward up as a hot girl and leaves him in a mall for five hours to teach him a lesson? Only chaos could come out of this! Please Read and Review. AU RoyXRiza EdXWinry Finished.
1. Ed's A Sexy Girl

**(A/N) Seriously do NOT ask where this idea came from, because I don't know... and I wouldn't especially want to find out. This is different than my other romance ones, just to warn you. But the humor is the same as always (heheheh). **

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of Arakawa-sensei's characters from FullMetal Alchemist. I DO however own this story, plot, and otherwise.**

**Other Disclaimer: Just so you know I'm not implying all girls are this specific way... (believe me I'm nothing like this)**

"You are so insensitive!" Winry slapped me across the face. "You suck!" she stuck her tongue out at me.

"Geez Winry..." I said rubbing my face "I don't really get these things. I AM a guy you know..." I reminded her, though it was hard thing to forget... I hope.

"That's the thing. You can't expect to understand these kinds of things until you're put in these kinds of situations." Winry crossed her arms and looked at me funny.

I groaned "If a guy hit on me I'd punch him in the gut." I stated bluntly.

"It's not that easy," she waved her arms back and forth "I really liked him! I want him to like me and ask me out!"

I was confused now "Then what's the problem?"

"He grabbed my ass!" she screeched.

"So?" I said now getting irratated by her confusing mood swinging.

"Argh!" I could tell she was annoyed by my ignorance "I don't want to be treated like trash or a slut he can take advantage of... You just don't get it do you?" She looked at me.

"Nope." I said without much thought.

"Fine, then I'll make you." she wandered over to her closet and started throwing things around. Apparently looking for something or another.

I took another sip of my now flat soda, and leaned back against her bed.

"Come here!" she said ripping off my shirt.

"Gawd, talk about being on the rebound." I said choking on what was left of the liquid in my mouth.

"Shut up." she said putting a bra on my chest.

"Winry! WHAT THE F-" she covered my mouth and started stuffing the bra with socks. She looked at it for a second and walked over to her dresser.

"Winry, what are you DOING?" I yelled trying to figure out how the hell to get the damned thing off me.

"Stuffing you." she said walking back over with more socks "Your boobs are too small."

"Winry! I'm a GUY! I'm not supposed to have..." I could feel my face turning red as she furiously stuffed more socks in.

"Hm..." she examined me, walked over to her closet and came back holding some sort of shirt.

She tried to fit it on me, it didn't work out so well. "Geez Ed, you've got too many muscles she said looking at me more, making me feel a little self concious.

"Here!" she held up a red haori "It's got loose sleeves so it'll fit you." She said putting it on me.

She looked me over for a minute and then started to blush a little. "Uh.."

"What's wrong?" I said obliviously.

"Perhaps you should put the skirt on yourself.." she said handing me a black skirt that was, by the way, rather short.

Though I wasn't fond of the idea, I'd become curious about what the hell she was doing, so I played along.

I motioned for her to turn around, and I took my pants off and slipped into the skirt.

"Gah!" I yelled "My legs are cold..."

Winry turned around "Hahaha! Okay you really need makeup..." she said still lauging.

After she finished putting mounds of makeup on me, which made actually look girlish, she took my hair out of its braid.

"Here," she said and started to brush my hair "it'll look better down."

"What am I," I whined "your doll?"

"Ha, no you'll see what'll happen soon enough." she said finshing my hair.

"Hm... hear, wear my black boots." she said handing me high heeled boots.

"Are you implying something!" I growled.

"No, no." she laughed again "I just figured you didn't want to wear stilletos." **(A/N) Um.. no clue how to spell that... I would never wear those anyway...**

I looked down at the boots and grabbed them from her. "These will be fine..."

-

I stared out the window wondering where the hell Winry would want to take me dressed in drag.

She stopped the car and smiled "Here we are. Get out now."

"The mall!" I screamed "Hell no! People will SEE me, you dumbass!"

"Hey dumbass," she mocked me "they wouldn't recognize you now even if you ran around screaming 'Hey look at me I'm a man in a skirt.' "

I sighed and got out of the car. She started to pull away. "Wait! Hey! Don't leave me here alone!" I screamed.

"I'll be back in five hours to pick you up." she grinned. "And I know you probably wont be calling anyone to pick you up any earlier... looking like that." And drove off.

She was right though. I wouldn't especially want to be picked up and have to explain this to any of my friends, let alone my family. Besides, my cell phone was in my pants.

"Shit..." I said to myself "now I can't even call her if I NEED to be picked up early."

I turned around and looked at the mall entrance.

"Well" I said gulping "I can handle this. I can prove her wrong... this wont be so hard at all."

My first real step as a girl was a sad one.

Why? Because I was already awkward standing on heels, let alone getting one stuck to a piece of gum on the asphalt, causing me to fall onto the ground, whispering curses to the piece of sticky substance.

Some guy around 17 or so rushed over and asked me if I was alright as I was standing up.

"Er..." I put on a girlish tone "Yes I'm fine, thank you."

"Thats good," he smiled at me and winked "wouldn't want to get that pretty face of yours dirty."

'Damn that Winry!' I yelled in my thoughts 'She made me a hot girl!'

"Uh yeah..." I said looking at him awkwardly and soon hastened off to get away, because frankly, he was scaring the shit out of me.

And with that I stepped through the doors, and entered the most hellish five hours I would ever endure.

**(A/N) Hahaha! Poor Edward is going to suffer through this fanfic... Let's all take a moment of silence in pity of him... Okay now you can start laughing again. Yes this fic will be fun and I'll update soon... If you leave me lovely reviews!**


	2. An Unfortunate Meeting

**(A/N) Thank you all very much for the massive amount of reviews! I love you all! YAY! Ahem, anyway. As I promised... you reviewed... so I write more now. By the way, I'm still not sure on what to use for the pairing, so don't determine it by what happens in this chapter okay? (That is your warning...)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of Arakawa-sensei's characters from FullMetal Alchemist. I DO however own this story, plot, and otherwise.**

**Other Disclaimer: Just so you know I'm not implying all girls are this specific way... (believe me I'm nothing like this)**

At first, I was completely clueless on where to even go or what to even do. Hell, I don't go to the mall much...

Suddenly I felt my stomach growling, begging for food. "It's gotta be at least noon by now.." I said to myself, heading for the food court.

"Wait..." I stopped and turned the other way, "Yeah its um... this way...?" Five minutes and I was already lost. Pathetic.

I frantically searched for one of the directory thingys getting hungrier and hungrier by the second.

"Hey, you lost?" I heard an all too familiar voice talking to me.

"Yeah," I said to my best friend Roy "I'm glad you're here. Can you show me where the food court is?" I asked casually.

"I'm glad you're here too." he stepped uncomfortably closer.

At first I didn't get it. I stood there looking at him wierd until finally the message went to my brain 'Shit! I'm dressed like a girl!'

How easy it is to forget you're wearing a skirt.

"I'll show you." he held my hand and led the way.

If he wasn't my best friend, I swear I would have kicked his ass right then and there, but whatever... he was leading me to food anyway.

When we'd reached there I reached in my pocket to pull out my money. Again, I realized, I wasn't wearing my pants.

"Shit." I cursed glaring at the skirt I was wearing.

"What?" Roy asked putting his arm around my waist. Gawd that was disturbing.

"I don't have my money... can you buy me somthing? I'll pay you back later." I whined.

"So you DO plan on seeing me again.." he grinned.

"Well duh..." I started, then quickly stopped myself. I was doing it again.

When Roy was up at the counter ordering me a cheeseburger I was thinking about how forward I must of sounded, for someone he'd never met before. Well someone he THINKS he's never met before.

Soon enough he returned and we sat down at a table and I scarfed down my burger while he rambled on about himself.

I noticed a few tables over Riza Hawkeye was giving me death glares. I swear to God I almost screamed "I'm not a girl, dammit!" but I refrained.

Chills raced down my spine when I felt Roy's hand go on my knee. "You know," he said looking in my eyes "I never believed in love at first sight... before I met you."

Such a cheesy pick-up line. Roy was more of a pervert than I'd ever thought before, which is quite amazing by the way.

After finishing my food, my eyes wandered around trying to figure out what to do for the next four hours and fifteen or so minutes...

"Do you enjoy that?" he asked me.

Suddenly I whirled around and decided to actually pay attention to him. Having no idea what he was talking about I blankly nodded.

Then I realized his arm was strectched out. And I wondered where his hand was. I looked down and blushed furiously, though I don't know why, it wasn't my real chest anyway.

"Perhaps we should find somewhere more... private." he said standing up and dragging me along to wherever the hell he was going.

"Um Roy..." I suddenly wondered if he'd told me his name.

"Yes?" he replied, and I took a sigh of relief.

"Where are we going?" I inquired rather innocent sounding.

"To a nice little shady spot right outside.." he said trying to sound sexy or somthing "By the way, what's your name?"

"Ed..." I stopped realizing Edward wasn't a girls name really "Win..." no wait he already knew Winry... "Uh..."

"Edwina?" he said with a straight face (how, I have no clue).

"Uh yeah..." I said trying not to laugh.

Suddenly we were outside again and sitting on a bench. There was nobody else around. At all. This was bad.

"Uh Roy..." I said uneasily.

He stroked my hand, creepily I might add, and I pulled it away. I was ready to end that right then and there, I whispered in his ear "Roy! It's me!"

I wondered if he knew what I was talking about. I realized he didn't by his reaction of whispering something that didn't make sense and nibbled on my ear.

That was it, best friend or not, he was getting punched in the face. I raised my fist and almost made contact with his head but he grabbed my hand and stopped me. Then... he did something rather unexpected... he kissed me.

Yes my first kiss I was dressed in drag, and I kissed my best friend Roy. Just my damned luck.

However much I was disturbed by this I didn't pull away. No, not because I was enjoying it (definately not that), but because that was the most disturbing thing that had ever happened to me, and that's an understatement.

When I'd finally regained my sanity I pulled away practically gagging.

"I'm great aren't I? Roy said praising his kissing skills.

"AAAAAARGH!" I screamed in his face and grabbed his hand and shoved it up my shirt.

"Wow aren't you a forward little..." he started to speak but I'd shoved his hand beneath the bra and underneath all the socks.

"So..." he said not even bothering to pull his hand out of my shirt, which must have looked rather odd...his hand beneath some girls boobs. Really, I wouldn't have blamed someone if they had run away screaming after seeing that. "You're trying to tell me you have a flat chest?" he said completely obliviously.

"No, you dumbass!" I screamed in his face "It's me! Edward!"

**(A/N) Hahahaha that one was a little shorter than the last but not much. Hey its pretty good for updating within less than twenty four hours. Well you know the deal, you give me reviews, I give you more chapters. So... REVIEW!**

**Hehehe, I'm so mean to my beloved Edward... I wonder how Roy will react!**


	3. I've Got a Project for You

**(A/N) So sorry I haven't updated in forever! REALLY SORRY! But yes I'm updating now... You know I reread the first two chapters (mostly because I forgot what happened) and I realized that Ed's automail leg should be showing... and his hand... and that would be recognizable to Roy. We COULD just pretend Roy is retarded and didn't notice, or you could imagine that Ed has tights on and gloves... Now that was easy, ahem on to the story!**

**Disclaimer: If I owned the great Arakawa sensei's masterpiece FullMetal Alchemist, I would be able to afford the Nintendo Wii, and I wouldn't need to download FMA manga scanlations.**

**Other Disclaimer: I'm not implying all girls are this specific way... (believe me I'm nothing like this... Thank God.**

"Ed?" Roy tilted his head slightly in confusion. "Edwina... is Ed?"

I felt like I was talking to a five year old. "Yes Roy," I said slowly "Edwina is Edward Elric."

He gave me a funny look that was half way between disgust and utter cluelessness. "Let me explain-" I began to explain my story but I was soon interrupted by... well...

"DEAR GOD! That...That's so WRONG! I thought...and you... UGH! That's EW! Just...ARGH THAT'S SO FRIKIN WRONG!" he sounded like a robot with a malfunction or something. It was kind of funny. Luckily I was able to restrain my laughter.

This went on for almost a half hour. I kid you not, we sat out there for an entire half hour while he sorted out his mind through yelling, cursing, and quite a bit of rambling.

He took a deep breath and calmed himself down after awhile. I sat there and waited, making sure that he wasn't pissed anymore... and then I let it all out. I laughed my ass off like never before.

Personally I thought it was hilarious. It was as if his brain couldn't connect that he hit on a guy. Apparently he found no humor in the matter.

"Shut up bastard." he glared at me "Why in the world are you dressed up like a girl anyway?"

I sighed "Well it started out when I was in Winrys room with her and-" "Oh no!" Roy yelled out sarcastically. I suppose he was getting me back. "Don't continue... I know how things go from there!"

Ignoring him I continued "And I was telling her how she was being stupid over a controversy with a guy-" "What?" Roy said. I groaned as he interrupted me again. "You don't tell a girl she's stupid like that!" Roy yelled. "You have to be kind with her, gentle, you have to show sympathy and let her cry on your shoulder-"

"And she decided I needed to learn what it feels like to be a girl." I was sick of his ranting "And she's not coming to pick me up for another..." I looked over at Roys watch "Three and a half hours."

Roy started laughing. I guess I deserved it though. I was pretty pathetic.

"Oh man that's great." Roy smiled.

I glared at him. "You know what?" I had the most devious and maniacal thought ever... and I am grateful everytime I think of it that I came up with the idea.. "I bet you ten bucks you couldn't last the next three and a half hours as a girl..."

Roy laughed "Edward, I understand the female mind a bit more than you," he said cockily "I could handle it easily."

"Oh?" I said innocently...God that conversation must have sounded wierd to passers by.

"Yeah," Roy said confidently "except I don't have girl clothes or long hair so it doesn't matter."

I laughed. "What's so funny?" He asked annoyed.

"Oh nothing." I grinned "Hey do you have your cell phone?" I asked.

"Yeah." he handed me the phone. Oh sweet revenge. I dialed the number and put the phone to my ear trying not to burst out laughing.

"Hey winry? Yeah... hey I've got a project for you..."

**(A/N) Kind of short, but hey! It's an updated! Thanks to all of you for your awesome reviews! I love you all! YAY! Now keep on reviewing! My inflated ego is what drives these fanfictions!**


	4. Sock Filled Doom

**(A/N) You know what's just as entertaining as reading this story? Reading it's reviews! Seriously, you people are rather interesting. Anyways... miracle upon miracle I'm updating within twenty four hours of my last update... (this is where you gasp) **

**Disclaimer: Me not own Fullmetal Alchemist. Compared to oh great Arakawa-sensei who own it, I nothing but lowly neadrothol! (NEADROTHOLS EAT THEIR BABIES!)**

**Other Disclaimer: This story is full of stereotypes and such and believe me... I don't think everyone is like that... nor do I support it! Go anti-conforming! (YAY)**

"Hm..." Winry looked him up and down again "Perhaps a skirt would be a bit too much for you..."

This was absolutely the most bittersweet moment of my lifetime. There I am standing, watching Winry deciding whether or not Roy should wear a skirt! The problem? I'm already wearing one.

"Why did I agree to your stupid bet..." Roy hissed at me. I grinned. Boy did he look pathetic... Though it didn't comfort me to think that I looked even more pathetic. I pushed that thought to the back of my mind.

"Hey Winry?" I said enthusiastically. "Hm?" she looked up from her concentration on Roy. "Why is it so much harder to dress up Roy than me?"

"Well.." Winry looked him up and down again "he's got a different build than you. You're almost my size so-"

"She means your a girly looking shrimp." Roy cut her off.

"I AM NOT A PATHETIC LOOKING SHRIMP WITHOUT A TRACE OF MANLINESS!" I screamed and went to kick him. Unfortunately the breeze reminded me I was wearing a skirt and I stopped myself.

"Oh my gosh!" Winry exclaimed looking at me. "What?" I was confused again. She ran up and started playing with my boobs. (Gawd that sounds so wrong.) "Your boobs are out of allignment! What were you doing!"

I looked over at Roy and my face started turning red "Nothing really... just a few difficulties..."

"Okay!" she clapped her hands together. "I've found a solution." Winry went and dug through the mounds of clothes she'd put in her car. She pulled out a (rather large) bra and an armful of socks.

"Royette, you're going to be a curvy woman!" She smiled. I was laughing my ass off. That was just plain hilarious.

Winry pushed him into the car and handed him somethings. I didn't get a chance to see all of what it was but somthing told me I'd find out soon enough.

A few minutes passed, and Roy ...er Royette emerged from the car.

High heeled, slender boots, black tights, a frilly black mini skirt, a pink haori, and boobs... this is what had befallen upon Roy. IT WAS FRIKIN AWESOME.

The best part was the look on his face, which did NOT match that body. As I was cracking up Winry began digging through he stuff again and pulled out a black wig.

"C'mere." She motioned to Roy and started fiddling with makeup and junk and I was trying to keep from suffocating from laughter.

My mouth dropped the next time Roy turned around. He looked like... like a GIRL! It gave me chills how convincing it was. Scary beyond reason!

"The long black hair and the makeup suits you." I managed to say with a straight face.

He glared and looked back at Winry. "Are we done now?"

"Hang on." she said rearranging his chest. "There. Okay girls! Let's go!"

We dreadfully followed the oh-too-happy Winry Rockbell lead us to our sock-filled doom.

Three hours left... I thought... only three hours left...

**(A/N) Wasn't that quick? Already four chapters! I bet this'll be like, the longest story I've ever written! Anyways I'm off to update other stuff so PLEASE review and be sure to read my other crap too. Thanks, BYE!**


	5. Whore Store

**(A/N) Okay so this is the second time writing this chapter (last time my stupid computer commited suicide right as I was finishing), so I'm hoping to make it even better! ...Hoping not promising, okay? Okay. So, lot's of people think this is yaoi, it's not. Okay well it's not straight either. The pairing isn't decided yet! Why? Um... because... I'm afraid of my fans ripping me to shreds if I make the wrong decision... some of you guys are scary okay!!!**

**Disclaimer: I still don't own Fullmetal Alchemist and cave people still eat their spawns.**

**Other Disclaimer: Stereotypes in this fanfic... blah blah... don't agree... blah blah NON-CONFORMING!**

"Oh Edwaaaard?" Winry said in a suspiciously sweet voice.

"What?" I asked some what annoyed by her tone.

"Will you buy me some food? I'm really hungry..." She said with sad eyes, looking like a pathetic little puppy.

"Sorry, but my money is in my pants back at YOUR house..." I glared.

Roy snickered, probably at the thought of my pants being left at Winry's house. I glared at him as well.

"Fine." She turned around and continued leading us to whatever hellish place we'd be dragged next.

"Hey Roy, can you buy her something?" I asked, knowing if Winry didn't eat things would get even worse... if possible of course.

"No, quit spoiling her." He said aggrivated, "Just because she's your first girlfriend-"

"MY WHAT?" I stopped him, my eyes wide with shock in what he'd said.

"Oh come on now, I already know. If you want to spoil her why don't you go be a man and earn her some food huh?" he leaned down and whispered in my ear "I hear gay prostitutes make a nice wage."

I slammed my fist into his gut. I'd heard enough, and he'd pissed me off.

He punched me back. I kicked him. He smacked my face. I pushed him to the ground. It was all pretty pathetic really, we ended up rolling on the ground hitting eachother.

Seeing how neither of us were used to wearing skirts, well I don't know about Roy, we failed to notice that rolling on the ground tended to cause said skirts to go up. Revealing things better left not seen.

Though the two of us weren't so intellegent at that time, we both were smart enough not to do the typical hair pulling move used by so many girls.

Of course a few people around us, being the dumbasses they were, thought we were actually girls...

"Girl fight!"

"Bitch slap her!"

"Whoa check THAT out!"

Only a few things I could hear coming from the crowd. Of course I wasn't fully paying attention so I didn't care.

The only thing on my mind at the time was beating the crap out of Roy.. or Royette in his current state anyways.

Now the only thing that could please the onlookers more would be another girl to beat the shit out of us, Winry, of course, was that girl.

Completely stunned by the fact that I was getting kicked by someone other than Roy, I was in utter confusion. I'm guessing he was thinking the same thing.

When we'd come to our senses the fight was over, and Winry was two inches away from my face. Much to my displeasure though, it wasn't her face that was above me.

"You idiots." she was leaning over me to check if Roy's wig was secure.

"Uhm... Winry." I kept my eyes closed "Can you please move?"

"You've got a rack of your own now, be mature about this and just hang on I'm fixing his hair." she said coldly.

I knew she wasn't doing it on purpose, but gawd was it bothering me.

"There," I could feel her standing up beside me "now let's go before you cause another scene."

I opened my eyes and tried to stand up. Failing horribly, seeing how I was bruised all over. "AGH!" I winced as I finally made it to my feet.

I could see Roy still laying on the ground. "Just leave me here to die." he groaned.

"Do you need help miss? I'll gladly carry you if you can't walk?" a boy who I recognized from when I was in middle school, Envy I believed his name was.

"No! That's alright!" Roy said leaping to his feet, pretending to look unscathed.

"Suit yourself." Envy walked off.

I chuckled and Roy sent a deadly look in my direction.

"So..." Winry grinned "ladies. Why don't we go..." she paused and looked over to her left, my eyes followed where she was looking.

"Look it's Riza!" Winry yelled and waved Riza Hawkeye over. That was it, me and Roy were going to be busted... I just knew it. Riza is just too smart not to realize the obvious... right?

"Hey Winry." she smiled as she walked up to us. "Who are they?" she motioned at me and... Royette.

"Oh!" Winry exclaimed "Edwina" she pointed at me, "And Royette." Wait how did she know my fake name?

I gave her a questioning look but she just ignored it. I shrugged and smiled at Riza. "Hello." She smiled back and nodded "My name's Riza."

Roy stood there gawking at her. I know she wasn't in her normal school attire which we were used to but... really... must he be such a ... well in this case he was just being a lesbian.

"I don't think she bends that way missy." I hissed into his ear. "Wipe the drool off your chin."

He shot me yet another evil glare and Winry started talking again. "Let's go do some girl stuff!" She was SO torturing us.

"Uhm..." Riza looked awkwardly, probably because Roy was acting stupid "Alright."

Winry smiled and grabbed Royette and I, and dragged us in the direction of some bizzare smell. It smelled like... perfume?

When we'd reached our destination my jaw dropped. It was what I'd call a 'whore store'. Winry was going to make us go in a store with tiny frilly dresses and freakishly frilly underwear.

"I'M OUT!" I turned to leave, but Winry grabbed me by the shirt.

"Ah come on," she started pulling "I think I see a dress that would look so cute on you!"

"Ah um." Riza looked at Winry pleadingly "I think we're better off going somewhere else."

"Oh but really," Roy put his hand on Riza's shoulder "I think that it'd be fun."

They all started slowly entering and I grabbed Winry and whispered in her ear "If we go in that store you're going to have to model stuff for us."

Winry paused and thought for a moment. "Hey guys, why don't we just get our nails done instead?" she said a little shook up from my threat.

Everyone agreed thankfully, Royette wasn't too disappointed (sick freak), and we headed for the salon not much further down.

Though I would normally protest such a ridiculous thing, at least it would eat up time and I wouldn't have to subject myself to a slutty fashion show.

I was actually surprised that Winry didn't put up a fight. Would that really be that embarassing for her?

I made a motion towards Roy and he began talking to Riza and they swiftly headed into the salon.

I held out my arm and stopped Winry. "Hey.." I said to her "how'd you know my alias was Edwina?"

She laughed. "Do you really think I would've left you all by yourself? I was following not that far behind. How'd you think I got to the mall so fast when you called me?"

I smiled at her. Maybe she wasn't THAT terrible of a friend... okay she wasn't really. I just didn't like being in a skirt I suppose.

We headed into the salon only to discover the mass chaos that had errupted while we were alone. We'd only been away from Roy and Riza for a few minutes... yet...

There it stood in front of me. The most disturbing thing I'd ever seen.

Roy, his wig on the ground, had Riza pressed up against the wall, and was kissing her. He was still dressed like a girl, and his cleavage still in tact, he was KISSING Riza.

Everyone else in the room had fallen silent.

"What.." my mouth fell silent.

"...the hell?" Winry finished my thought.

**(A/N) What happened and why are they kissing hm?? I wonder! HAHA! Cliff hangers are so much fun for me. Anyways, still no definite pairings are revealed. Yaoi? Straight? This fic is still undecided! Sorry it's taking me so long but hey, that just means it'll be longer right? ... I hope. I guess I did a pretty good job with this one, it even had a fight! (I still don't understand the hair pulling thing some girls do... why not just punch? Either way Ed and Roy fought good.) So yes... review please!**


	6. Picture Perfect

**(A/N) Okay so it's been two days since I got my internet privaleges back, so why haven't I posted anything? Well, I also got my video game privaleges back as well and started a new file on Final Fantasy X. I got a fourth of the way into the game in one day, yet it's taken me months to ATTEMPT to complete the last two battles of the game. Sad, I know. Anyway, it's about TIME I updated this, it's my most wanted fic.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Fullmetal Alchemist, and if I ever do come to own it you'll know because there WILL be an OAV with Ed in a miniskirt. There just will.**

**Other Disclaimer: Not all girls are like what Winry is making Edwina and Royette be, I mean OBVIOUSLY. If all girls WERE like that, I wouldn't be writing this, I'd be getting 'beauty sleep' or some other bull shit like that.**

Without thinking, I quickly smashed the wig onto Roy's head and put him into a headlock in what seemed like a second. "GAH!" he struggled as I pulled him down to my level, tightening my grip on him. "What," I hissed in his ear, dragging him out of sight of the confused salon goers, "do you think you're doing?"

He managed to release himself from my grasp, and fell to the ground gasping for breath. "I..." Riza was still a little flushed from the whole thing, "I can explain." She walked over toward me, Winry, and the suffocating shemale, "I told... Roy..." she paused, "that I knew it was him. And well... she looked away a little, he said 'Good, now I can do this.'"

"Idiot." Winry and I said in unison. "Shut..." Roy stood up, straightening out his skirt, "up."

"Oh Royette!" Winry whined, fixing his wig, and fussing over the socks that were hanging out of his shirt.

I looked at the strange sight before me, and then turned back to Riza, "Wait... why didn't you push him away?" I asked curiously.

"Well..." Riza stared at the mess named Roy as she spoke, "he asked me to be his girlfriend the other day... and... well I guess that was my way of saying yes."

"Really?" Roy bouced a bit causing his boobs to move up and down in a way that can only be described as utterly disturbing. "Yes!" he exclaimed, his voice hardly fitting his appearance.

"You're a girl, remember?" Winry elbowed him in the ribs. I snickered, though not very loud considering I still had two more hours of torture.

Roy reached into his bra and started digging around, which cause us, and several onlookers, to stare in amazement. He pulled something out and threw it at me. A ten dollar bill? "Huh?" I said confused.

"I lose the bet," he said putting his arm around Riza, "let's go get me some pants..." She laughed, walking away with him, "That would be nice..."

Winry and I watched as the couple awkwardly made their way into a department store and disappeared. "Uh.." was all I had to say about it.

"Wow..." Winry added. We continued staring where our friends had once stood.

"Look," I broke the silence, "I kind of get what you're trying to teach me..." I turned and started walking, she did the same and fell into step with me. "What?" she asked, no idea what I was talking about.

"You know, the whole guy hitting on you thing. It IS a pain. I guess I can understand why you'd get upset over it.. seeing how you liked him.." I slowed down and looked at her, "Sorry I was kind of mean about that."

She stopped and smiled at me, "It's okay," she started walking again, "I didn't like him that much anyway. There's someone else..." her voice trailed off. "Oh!" she exclaimed, changing the subject, "Let's go into this store! I'm sure these dresses will look SO cute on you!" she started dragging me into what I would call a deathly black hole, that is, if it wasn't mostly pink.

"You're kidding right?" I said as we stood in the entrance, as she looked around for something. "Of course not," she pulled me towards a rack with masses of skirts hanging on it. "Hmmm..." she looked through them, grabbing a dozen or so. "You're going to try all of those on?" I asked astounded.

She grinned, "No," she spoke sweetly, "you are." She shoved me into a dressing room, along with the pile of skirts.

"Okay," I could hear her from the other side of the door, "now try each and every one on. I was sure to get your size so I know they all fit. Be sure to come out and model them for me, it's fashion show time!" she squealed, irritating me.

"Oh and what if I don't?" I asked getting ready to undo the lock on the door. "Oh I don't know..." she said mischeiviously, "maybe send all these pictures I have of you in a skirt on my camera phone to... hm... everybody?" I stopped dead in my tracks. She had me, and she knew it. "Fine," I mumbled, sliding on the first frilly article of clothing.

"Hey," I asked as I straightened out the skirt, "who was the other guy you were talking about before?" I asked curiously. "Why?" she asked sounding smug, "You jealous?" I rolled my eyes, "Hardly. I was just going to say, if it's Roy, I'll need a wrench because you have a few screws loose."

That wasn't my actual reason for asking, obviously, I just really wanted to know. I wasn't sure WHY I was so eagar to know. I just was. Maybe it was the high heeled boots talking. "Don't worry," she said laughing, "it's definitely not Roy." "Oh.." I was relieved to hear this. I stood staring at the dressing room mirror. I was NOT going out.

Winry, however, had other plans. "Oh hey look, there he is!" she shouted. "Where?" I opened the door to look. Suddenly I saw a flash, too late to realize she was taking a picture of me. "Hey!!" I hid my body behind the door and glared at her.

"Wait a minute.." I said accusingly, "you don't even have a camera phone... that's MINE." "I know," she said darkly, "isn't the idea of sending it to everyone in your adress book so much more fun?"

**(A/N) Not too long, but hey, I updated. Lot of stuff happened huh? I know, I'm surprised too! (Why am I surprised, I'm the author?!?) Anyway, I'll update soon, seeing how I THINK I might know how the next chapter will go... not one hundred percent sure though. Be sure to review!!**


	7. Crossdress To Impress

**(A/N) I don't think it's humanly possible to express how sorry I am. This is REALLY late, and I know it. Somehow I managed to go on an accidental year long hiatus and... well... I AM SO, SO, SO SORRY! I finally set myself free from my months of writers block, and decided to update this first, as the most deadly demands came from readers of this fanfic. I will be updating many other stories soon, thank you all for your reviews and support! Really, I mean it. Enjoy the last chapter of He's Everything You Want In A Girl. (GASP, last chapter?!)**

**Disclaimer: If I owned Fullmetal Alchemist... I would have been fired for ignoring my readers for so long. I'm sorry!**

"God dammit, Winry!" I yelled at her furiously, it was one thing if her weird little friends saw this. It was another if my younger brother did.

"Such a vulgar tongue, young lady," she teased in a musical voice, "haven't you got any manners?" She snapped the phone shut, and carefully placed it in the safest spot she could think of, leaving me nothing short of astounded.

"Wha... you... you..." I pointed at her chest. I couldn't come out with the words, she was just being ridiculous now. "Why?!" I finally managed to ask, ready to bang my head against the wall. This day was moment after moment of humiliating torture.

"Simple," she put her hands on her hips, "I know you'd be willing to fight me for it, I know after what happened today, you'd_ never _reach down my shirt to retrieve it." In reality, after everything I'd been through, I was more willing than ever to seek my revenge. "Plus I already emailed the pictures to myself just in case you do get it back." She added with a sadistic smile.

_Damn._

"Winry..." I groaned, a few girls passing by giggled at our little spat. I sighed, there was just no fighting it. "What do you want me to do?" I mumbled reluctantly.

"Hmm..." she said, thinking aloud, "well... maybe you could..." her voice trailed off as she looked at me. "That would work.." she decided.

I took a deep breath and braced myself for the worst, "What is it?" I asked intently.

"You're going to go on a date!" She proclaimed, far too cheerily, at my demise.

I stared at her blankly for a moment, the words taking a bit to process in my mind. "I'm going to... what?!" I demanded, my anger resurfacing. "Wasn't what I went through with Roy enough?!"

"You got money out of it," she pointed out irrelevantly, "remember?"

"That's hardly the point," I growled, "and it was hardly worth ten dollars." An idea suddenly struck me, and I wondered if this was how Winry's brain worked when it was in evil mode. "Actually..." I spoke in a much calmer voice, "I'll do it." I said soothingly, "under one condition, of course."

-

Somehow the moment had been much more satisfying in my mind. There was only an hour left, and Winry was enjoying herself far too much for my taste. And to think I had thought there was a small chance of revenge. Boy was I wrong.

"You look ridiculous you know." I commented, leaning on the table, my 'boobs' shifting awkwardly. We were back in the food court again, though it was even more crowded than before.

"It was _your_ idea," she reminded me, "besides, I think I look cute." The look on her face was smug, to the point where it irritated me. That was probably her intention, come to think of it.

"You don't even look like a guy," I chugged the rest of my soda, then wiped the excess moisture off my lips, "except maybe one of those weirdo girly men from that stupid shojo manga you read." It was true, even the with a wig on and her chest bound, she still looked like a girl.

She stuck her tongue out at me, a gesture used quite a bit lately, "It's not stupid. Besides, everyone else seems to think I pass for a guy." She gestured toward the people crowding the mall. "Plus it's not my fault you wear pleather."

"Yeah, and these are the same people who think I look like a girl." I rolled my eyes, then paused as I realized what she said. "Those are _my_ pants?!" I said unbelieving as I looked down to confirm, she was indeed, wearing my pants.

"You're wearing my skirt." She said bluntly, "What's your point?"

"At least I make a hot girl, you said it yourself," I thought for a moment, "but then again, you are a tomboy, and a mechanic, at least you _act_ like a guy" I added with spite.

She narrowed her eyes and glared at me, then looked away, not bothering to respond. It got quiet for the next few minutes, as we both cooled our overheated tempers. I started to regret what I said, the way it had come off wasn't what I had intended.

"Sorry.." I grumbled, sick of the silence, well, the silence between us, the rest of the mall goers seemed to enjoy the noise.

Winry's eyes darted to mine, a shocked look on her face. She looked confused at first, but quickly recovered, "Oh that?" She chuckled, trying to sound non-chaulant, "I don't mind. I am one of the guys, after all." She admitted, "That's why I'll never have a boyfriend." She shrugged it off, like it was nothing.

"You're a bad liar." I commented, and her smile faded. Her eyes fell to the table, her hair - well, the hair from her wig - shadowing her face. I cleared my throat, starting to speak again, when my mind went blank. What was I supposed to say to her to make things better? That's when I just let my impulse take over.

I reached out my hand beneath her chin, gesturing her to look up. My eyes caught hers and I asked her softly, "Would you kiss a girl on a first date?" I was trying to sound clever, or at least funny. I wasn't too successful, but I still got the reaction I had wanted.

Her cheeks burned a bright pink as she blushed deeply, "Uh.." she mumbled incoherently. I decided to test this theory of mine...

"Do you think that... _other_ guy would mind if you... kissed a sweet girl like me?" I smiled a smile that was probably more cocky than it should have been. The phrase 'girl like me' came off far too natural. I needed to get out of that skirt.

Her look of surprise morphed into a flirty smile, "I don't think so.." she almost whispered, leaning towards me.

Our lips had barely brushed, when something sent a shiver down my spine. No, it wasn't a wave of passion, it was the voice I'd heard speaking behind me. Speaking_ to _me, to be precise.

"Brother?" Al asked, undoubtedly trying his best to stifle a laugh. He was, of course, unsuccessful, "What are you doing?" He laughed loudly.

"This isn't what it looks like!" The words spurted out of Winry's mouth so fast that it made me wonder.. what _did_ it look like to an outsider?

"_Wow_, Ed," he snickered, "you sure have an interesting way of getting dates."

I buried my face into my hands, "Shut up, Al. Just... shut up."

I never did quite figure out which I was more upset about, the fact that I would be constantly reminded of that point in time for the rest of my life... or that Winry and I didn't get to finish our kiss.

**(A/N) That's right. It's over. I'm sorry! It's so short, and I could have done so much more, but I thought this would be a semi-appropriate ending to the story. My writing style has changed so much, I wasn't actually sure what I was going to do with this last chapter. It basically wrote itself. Typical me. I really enjoyed writing it though, and it was probably one of my favorite stories I've written. Definitely one of the funniest... and to think... it all started out with me saying, "I want to write a story called He's Everything You Want In A Girl"...**

**Edward: Why did I have to be the he?**

**Empress: You make a sexy girl, obviously.**

**Edward: You'd torture me for that?!**

**Empress: It was Winry who tortured you, I simply gave her the opportunity.**

**Winry: Empress-san?**

**Empress: Yes, dear?**

**Winry: Why do I happen to own so many wigs in this story?**

**Empress: ...Next question.**

**Edward: Hey wait- **

**Empress: Well, it looks like we're out of time. See you all next time, and thank you so much for reading. Bye!**


End file.
